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where were you before?

i saw dr. phil today. his guest asked a group of young kids if they knew where they were before they were born.

i was curious to know what shuggie would say, so i asked her.

"do you remember where you were before you were born?"

"yeah."

"where were you?"

"in Jesus."

"really?"

"yep."

we don't usually use that phrase, "in Jesus" so this startled me a little.

"what was he like? was he nice?"

"yep."

then she giddy-upped down the hall.

ladybug

here is a video we made for our moms called "ladybug"...


here are some quotes that inspired us about moms...

"A mother is a person who seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie. " -Tenneva Jordan

“A mother is the truest friend we have, when trials heavy and sudden, fall upon us; when adversity takes the place of prosperity; when friends who rejoice with us in our sunshine desert us; when trouble thickens around us, still will she cling to us, and endeavor by her kind precepts and counsels to dissipate the clouds of darkness, and cause peace to return to our hearts.”
--Washington Irving

"The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new."
- Rajneesh

An ounce of mother is worth a pound of clergy. - Spanish Proverb

"If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?" - Milton Berle


Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.
- Ambrose Bierce


The sweetest sounds to mortals given
Are heard in Mother, Home, and Heaven.
~William Goldsmith Brown


"There's nothing like a mama-hug." - Adabella Radici


"Who ran to help me when I fell,
And would some pretty story tell,
Or kiss the place to make it well?
My mother."
~Ann Taylor

"I cannot forget my mother. She is my bridge. When I needed to get across, she steadied herself long enough for me to run across safely." - Renita Weems

"Whatever else is unsure in this stinking dunghill of a world a mother's love is not." - James Joyce

"All that I am or ever hope to be, I owe to my angel Mother."
- Abraham Lincoln

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!

remedy

"The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely or unhappy is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quiet, alone with the heavens, nature and God. Because only then does one feel that all is as it should be and that God wishes to see people happy, amidst the simple beauty of nature..." -Anne Frank

deep grief

i lived across the street from a girl named amy when i was a little kid (age 4-9). she was 4 or 5 years older than me (and much taller than me), so the kids in the neighborhood called her called her "big amy", and called me "little amy".

just a couple weeks ago her angry unstable ex-husband drowned their three beautiful children in a bathtub at a hotel room during his visitation period with them. he then attempted suicide himself but he survived. he made threats in the months prior to the murders that he knew killing her children was the worst thing he could do to hurt her. he was right.

here is more of the story:
http://www.baltimoresun.com/news/local/crime/bal-te.md.castillo04apr04,0,5664001.story

i really can hardly even go there in my mind.

my heart aches for you tonight, amy.

may those kids come to you in a dream and let you know they are just fine, with the Lord.

Heavenly Father,
i am welling up with tears in my attempt to connect with you about this. i know if i plug into the reality of what amy is going through i will just break down. i am afraid....

Lord, thank you for giving me courage. thank you for keeping your hand on amy during this time of grief. thank you for providing the comfort and the peace that seems so unbelievable during a horrific tragedy like this. you give us the peace that only you understand. thank you for helping us have faith. thank you for helping us forgive. thank you for helping amy forgive the man who dragged her though hell and murdered her babies.

thank you for helping her forgive you for allowing this to happen. thank you for helping us all trust you, and know that you are able to bring awesome things from horrible situations and deep pain like this. we really can't understand how you can let things like this happen, but we trust you, Lord, and we know you are with us. we are so grateful for you.

thank you for using my family in any way that we can be used to bring comfort and peace to amy's heart. thank you for helping me get my tears out. i just am so sad. it's just so awful. i'm just so sorry, amy.

(weeping... sobbing... can't type)

thank you for hearing me, Father. i love you. i wish you hadn't let this happen. but i trust you and i love you. thank you for helping us all learn what we need to learn from it.

in the name of Jesus i pray. AMEN and amen.

please give to the LOVE fund for amy: http://www.edison83.com/lovefund4amy/

come out of hiding

i recently changed my icon on myspace and youtube to this picture of me with my little family. this was kind of big for me, as i have a history of hating pictures of myself. most of the time i would try to avoid them all together, but with the digital revolution, i now see a zillion pics of myself on my computer. in the past, i would scrutinize them, sometimes delete them, or keep them but never share them with anyone. they'd pop up on my slideshow, and i'd cringe and look away. for some reason, i just never quite looked the way i wanted to.

i've been working on this problem for as long as i can recall. i have a master's in psychology, and my interest in this field has been, in part, to free myself from issues like this. but psychology can only take you so far. for this deep, longstanding issue i've needed the same kind of help that enabled me to quit smoking cigs.... the supernatural help that only God can offer. like the "good book" says, through Christ, all things are possible. so i've been trying the same thing that worked before... i've been handing it over to God through Christ.

the problem really came to a head when i had my baby (almost three years ago now). my post-pregnancy body is much curvier and larger than it was before (even my feet are bigger). it's been a real challenge. i've been praying about it, sometimes very intensely, mostly because i don't want to hand this self-consciousness down to my little girl. each time it crops up again (that cringing feeling) i hand it over to God and thank him for healing me. slowly, quietly, patiently, God is working inside of me, and has been changing my mind about it. he is helping me see myself in a new light: one that more resembles the loving way that he sees me. (one kind of miracle is a "shift in perception", as marianne williamson says)

this issue came up again over the weekend. i had to wade through a bunch of video footage, and i'm in a good bit of it. i've had to make some decisions as to what parts to include in the videos. yesterday, as i watched my excited little girl and myself gallop like "little horsey and mommy horsey" toward one of those big moon bouncers, i felt that cringe again, and i had the urge to delete it. just then, a clear, resounding thought filled my eyes with tears:

"come out of hiding"

so, today, i am completing that video, and including that footage of us galloping along as a leap of faith. i am making a conscious decision to let go and stop worrying about how i look. i've also decided to stop being concerned with other people's judgements of me. i will no longer fear ridicule and criticism. i have decided that other people's opinions of me and my appearance, in the grand scheme of things, are totally irrelevant.

i choose to be free. i am what i am, and i look how i look. some days i look better than others. and, as morrissey sings, "some girl's mothers are bigger than other girl's mothers". and that's just fine.

i'm already starting to get used to seeing myself. i'm already feeling better about it. it's a real relief. i'll be including more and more footage of myself in our videos, so one day my little girl can watch them and see me there too, not just hear my voice or catch a glimpse of my sneakers. i'm sure she'll want to see me there laughing and playing with her. the sight of a mommy having fun with her little girl is one of beauty, no matter how you dice it. i want her to look at these videos and see a woman - her mother - who, no matter how she looks on the outside, feels comfortable in her own skin. to me, that's what makes a confident, courageous, beautiful woman.

besides, my girl doesn't seem to mind at all that i'm not some glamour queen. she loves me just as i am. (although sometimes she says "mommy, take those glasses off! i want those eyes to be free!" maybe i'll stop hiding behind those one day too.)

so.... i'm just fine, as i am. i don't need to be perfect to be beautiful in my own way. and i'll keep reading these words as long as i need to for them to really truly sink in.

i'm a bit thick headed. it may take a while... ;)

we are builders

(y)our words
hold a mighty power
to build up
and to tear down

maturation
of the spirit
gives the strength
to control the impulse
to destroy

so the gifts
of words
and wit
and wisdom
and where-with-all

aren't used

in a harmful way.

we can give
kindness
love
forgiveness
gratitude
praise
hope
empathy
caring
understanding

with our words

on
purpose.

(thank you God.)

photo: "road to heaven" by john watson

reconciled

(a poem for mary,
with Love)

with grace
and faith
and patience,
am i
becomes
I AM
and
we're no longer
concerned
or
surprised
by
others'
view
of
us.

then one day
through Love
and humility
we see
that "those others"
are really "our selves"

so we embrace
and are embraced

we judge
and are judged

we attack
and are attacked

we forgive
and are forgiven

we Love
and are Loved

and all parts
of our selves
are eventually

reconciled.




photos chosen especially for shuggie, artists unknown.
- lone horse found here
- mommy & baby snuzzling found here

rose colored glass

rose came by for lunch today,
and brought us some beautiful gifts...


thanks rose!

www.rosebowen.com

toltec wisdom

The Four Agreements

1. Be Impeccable with your Word Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the Word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your Word in the direction of truth and love.

2. Don't Take Anything Personally Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.

3. Don't Make Assumptions Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

4. Always Do Your Best Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret.

Author: Miguel Ruiz

glo-stick

sometimes when it's been a few days i forget how good stretching feels. i don't mean ordinary in-your-seat kind of stretching. or like the stretch that accompanies a big yawn. i mean down on the floor yoga-ish kind of stretching.

one thing i love to do is to stand up and tilt my head all the way back. then i let it hang there and breathe and let gravity pull on me. i stay there longer than i would if i were to heed the first thought of coming back up, which usually translates to about 30 seconds or so. when i come back up i get a huge head rush that fills my body with energy. sometimes it's so powerful it knocks me down (i've learned to do it near a chair so i can hang on) the feeling of it reminds me of one of those glo-sticks that fills with light when you crack it.

i'll never forget the first time i saw a glo-stick. i was just a kid, and it was a brand new invention being featured at a patent show (one of the perks of having a dad who works for the patent office) . at the time, they just came in green. my dad got us a couple samples to take home that day. we thought they were so cool.

i can't remember what happened to mine. i probably kept it in it's package. maybe forever. i did things like that...wanting to save stuff for a special occasion. (what i didn't know is that special occasions don't just show up... we have to create them.)

sometimes i'll go a while without stretching, like my tension is somehow serving me. then i remember the glo-stick, and i stop what i'm doing to stretch a bit. there's nothing quite like that feeling of being all lit up inside.

moonwalk

move more
eat well
move more
eat well
move more
eat well
move more
eat well
move more
eat well
move more
eat well
move more
eat well



(even when it's cold outside)

flowers

If you do lack in wealth be not grieved. You have with you the wealth of contentment. You can remove every shortcoming of yours with this wealth. The discontented heart knows no peace. Every gain, no matter how big, is too small for it. From the empty branch to the leaves, from the leaves to the flowers, from the flowers to the fruits--all these are different stages of ambition.

The branch that has flowers but no fruits is discontented, but when it is reminded that there are other branches that have not even flowers, its discontentment is abated.

Yet, if it be content with what it has and wait, surely the coming of fruits is not far off.

Gulam Rue Zamin (Servant of the Earth)
"The First Rays of Dawn" Daily Devotional
January 20th, p. 8
Published by Priya Nath Metha; 1973

photo: "laura flowers" by laura
http://www.bbc.co.uk/blast/showcase/art/photos/578/

snowflakes

shuggie loves snowflakes...

tea party

we've had a bad cold now for a while. we've been up to our ankles around here in kleenex. we passed the time watching movies, playing games and having tea parties. it's the best fun we've ever had with a few clumps of dried up play-doh.

spinning

shuggie loves to spin. it's a natural high.

this is some footage we came across while cleaning up our hard drive. it's about a year old...

the crown

pulling into the driveway of her grandparents house, shuggie spots poppy in the yard waving at her. this is her response.

poppy is one of shuggie's three grandfathers. he is a brilliant, accomplished, and dignified man. i'd never seen him so fun and playful until shug came along. it's funny how little ones do that to us. it's wonderful actually.

"children's children are the crown of old men, and the glory of children are their fathers." ~ proverbs 17:6

my pyramid

my little (almost 3 year old) girl walked in on me in the bathroom yesterday. she said "do you have a maxi pad mommy?" i said "yes babe. thanks." once i had her go into another bathroom to fetch one for me. she remembered what it was called. that made me smile.

then she said "mommy's having her pyramid." that made me laugh out loud.

i said "honey, go tell that to daddy." she did. i knew he'd laugh out loud, too. he did.

photo: by cjphoto on zooomr photo sharing

"the red pyramid of dahshur in egypt"

http://www.zooomr.com/photos/41599@Z01/2416770/

a new day

God Calling Journal: January 1
I stand between the years. The Light of My Presence is flung across the year to come - the radiance of the Sun of Righteousness. Backward, over the past year, is My Shadow thrown, hiding trouble and sorrow and disappointment.

Dwell not on the past - only on the present. Only use the past as the trees use My Sunlight to absorb it, to make from it in after days the warming fire-rays. So store only the blessings from Me, the Light of the World. Encourage yourselves by the thought of these.

Bury every fear of the future, of poverty for those dear to you, of suffering, of loss. Bury all thought of unkindness and bitterness, all your dislikes, your resentments, your sense of failure, your disappointment in others and in yourselves, your gloom, your despondency, and let us leave them all, buried, and go forward to a new and risen life.

Remember that you must not see as the world sees. I hold the year in My Hands - in trust for you. But I shall guide you one day at a time.

Leave the rest with Me. You must not anticipate the gift by fears or thoughts of the days ahead.

And for each day I shall supply the wisdom and the strength.

"God Calling Journal" recorded by Two Listeners,
Edited by A.J. Russell; Barbour Publishing Inc. (c.1996)

new year's eve

...we'll be ringing it in with a little magic milk ...

...and some words of Love from a dear soul...


"May this year
and the coming year
bring emancipation
from all sorrows,
and may thou live
in peace and happiness
forever." ~ Nath

Gulam Rue Zamin (Servant of the Earth)
"The First Rays of Dawn" December 31st, p.209
Published by Priya Nath Metha; 1973