the rain

e pluribus unum

the other day i was teaching my "lifespan development" class about encoding. (encoding is our ability to make a mental representation of something. in other words, to see something in your mind). i wanted to illustrate the idea that the encoding process is usually not crystal clear for any of us, so i drew two circles on the board and had them tell me what was on the penny.

this is always a pretty fun exercise. i make lincoln look like a goof, and they usually get big chunks of it wrong, which is enlightening for them. when we got to the stage where we examined a real penny to see how (in)accurate we were, i read the phrase "e pluribus unum".

i asked them what it meant and they stared at me like deer in headlights. i waited. finally one guy in the front row said "the many are one?"

"yes, the many unite into one." then i said "what's the phrase? united we stand..."

"...divided we fall!" they all chimed in, in unison. they sounded very excited to know the answer this time, despite the inherently sad nature of it.

"are we united or divided?" i asked.

"divided!" they said, without hesitation, like an ocean wave washing over me.

divided. it's so obvious.

"what does that mean for us?" i wondered.

silence.

"it's not looking good, i guess." they shook their heads. nope. not looking good.

what does this mean i wonder? are we falling? can we stop it?

a dear man in india saw one of our videos and later sent us a book that his father wrote. it's a book of daily devotionals. here is the reading for today:

October 25

"Khuda" (God) is an Urdu word. When it is written, a dot is placed above. If the dot be placed below, then the word does not change much, but changes entirely in meaning. It becomes "Juda" i.e. separate.

"Khuda" is the word in which resides the Greatness of God and which manifests itself in all, containing in itself the Universe, and containing itself in itself. "Khuda" is He who is in Union with Himself. "Juda" is a word that signifies separation from everything, even from itself, for it is separation.

A single dot when placed differently can create such a wide difference. A change in the angle of vision creates a complete change in meaning.

Thou who hast with thee the Perfect, place not the dot at the bottom!

But place the dot of "Juda" on top and let it become "Khuda"!

Why go from love to hate?

Go towards love and union from hate and separation.

By Nath

Gulam Rue Zamin (Servant of the Earth)

excerpt from the book: "The First Rays of Dawn"

Published by Priya Nath Metha; 1973

Thanks Priya for passing this beautiful book along to us.

(cue song: people get ready... )

picture of the penny borrowed from this page; picture of the train that transported lincoln's body from washington to springfield borrowed from this page

love is good

love sits in the center, balanced perfectly between justice and mercy.

i want to be love. nothing else matters.

another day ...

to be with you, and i am grateful.

colour my world

my husband made me a very sweet mix for our 5th anniversary this summer. he called it "magnet and steel." he put a classic song by chicago on it.

as time goes by
i realize
just what you mean
to me...

colour my world
with hope
of loving you.

so sweet. and this picture he took... incredible. such healing beauty in the midst of a challenging week.

my husband is awesome.

sweet-weepy-pete

(warning: graphic images below)

to start class today i said "everyone please stand up." they promptly did so. then i asked them why they were standing. they (of course) responded "because you told us to." then i announced the topic for the day: CONFORMITY. after they took their seats i showed them horrifying pictures and told stories about the holocaust. and my lai. and jonestown.






i got choked up when i started talking about jonestown. i said "they killed the babies and children first." i could feel the end of the sentence get caught in my throat. my eyes instantly welled up. i thought "holy crap! i might start crying!" it's true that i can be a bit of a sweet-weepy-pete on occasion, but i've never cried in front of a class. so i stopped and took a breath. then i stood there silently while they looked at the image that was projected on a large screen ...



(it was the little baby wedged in there that got to me the most)

i knew when i prepared this lecture last night that the loving thing to do would be to send a clear message about what happens when we blindly follow authority. it happens to regular people. not madmen. or trolls. or psycho-killers. regular people will hurt, maim, and destroy others and even themselves when placed under extreme social pressure. i felt a duty to teach, and a duty to warn. so i did.

but man... those images do linger.... no wonder i have a headache.

beautiful changes

"Autumn is a second spring where every leaf is a flower."
-Albert Camus

piece of cake

yesterday when i started to toil over what to do about the situation in my class i heard in my heart "prepare, but don't worry. everything will be fine. it's a piece of cake." wow. it's a piece of cake. "don't ruin your day by being nervous about it. just relax."

i succeeded in not complaining about it too much. ken cooked me some dinner and pampered me. that really helped. i read from my favorite devotionals. that relaxed me. then had a nice chat with my brother about it. he had a calming effect on me.

despite some occasional melodramatics, i have to say i managed pretty well. even up to the point just before class when i met with my boss and explained to her what was going on. i felt like i needed to plant a seed just in case... in case what? well who knows. i won't speculate.

so i got to class a few minutes early and put on some calm music. when class started, i joked about the chilly weather. it's the first day we've felt it. it's been suspiciously warm around here for october. anyway, i told them how shuggie was chilly last night so she climbed into bed and wrapped herself around my neck, practically strangling me. when i told her to move over she said in the sweetest little voice "i love you." of course then i let her keep strangling me for a few more minutes. even in the middle of the night that little voice melts my heart.

when i finished that story they all said "awww!" i knew it softened the ground a bit. then i handed out a slightly aged but credible article from the united nations website on the problem in ghana. i told them they were responsible for reading it, and that i would be putting a question on the exam about it. then i addressed the giggling.

i felt a bit of a whirlwind inside, but i somehow managed to cover lots of ground, succinctly and coherently. (white privilege... prejudice... ignorance... ) it all just flowed right out. none of them had taken a diversity class before. but they came up with a half dozen reasons why people laugh at other people's suffering. (to be cool. because they're afraid. immature. irresponsible. ignorant.) i added sadistic to their list. (some people just are, sadly).

then i shifted gears and covered jean piaget. it was a vibrant and colorful lecture, with props and everything. a little more than halfway through class we got sidetracked somehow on exotic pets. actually i let us get sidetracked. i wanted us to have a little fun. so we swapped stories of pet raccoons and chinchillas and flying squirrels and baby deer. i told my hermit crab story.* i imitated a mad goose. we all laughed.

then i wrangled us back in and finished up the notes. after class the gal who was mad a me on tuesday came up with her friend and thanked me. "we really appreciate what you did. you didn't have to do that."

"yes i did," i replied. " when i see an opportunity like that i have to take it. i feel a moral obligation."

it's true. i do. and i did. and now i'm ready to play.

thank you Lord.

*(i had a hermit crab named hamlet. he ran away. i found him shell-less on the downstairs bathroom floor 5 years later. it was incredible that he survived. i grabbed him and put him up in a makeshift home, but he died the next day. i should have just let him be i guess. maybe captivity was more than he could bear).

picture of the 100 layer cake borrowed from: http://www.afamilyfare.com/bridal.htm

we're all equal in heaven

there's a lot of racial tension at school. i'm not sure when anyone's going to address it. if we don't address it, it will eventually address us.

white privilege = when you're white you don't have to think too much about skin color. it's not always on your mind.

the truth is that lighter skinned people have more power in the world. still. that's the reality.

(unlike in heaven where we are all equal)

when we don't recognize our power, we hurt people by accident.

some of my students told me that there was laughter within groups of people that went to see the campus presentation called the "tunnel of oppression". there were horrific images in that presentation. images of abuse and starvation and horrible disease. sickening images. to me it's more sickening that people would laugh at them.

do they laugh because they're afraid? or maybe ignorant? obnoxious? cruel? cold hearted? ...?

i've been a substitute instructor for a week now in two classes. i'm covering for a woman who is on maternity leave. the morning class is a breeze, but the afternoon one is really pretty rowdy and challenging to manage. there are 72 students in it, and it's a pretty small room considering it's seating capacity.

it baffled me yesterday when a few of the students in the afternoon class giggled away while i was talking about little kid slaves in africa. (in ghana specifically. they're are sold to fisherman by their parents. they have to get up before dawn every day to cast nets into murky water, and then endanger their lives retrieving the nets when they get caught on debris. it's very very sad.)

these giggling students (white students incidently) just giggled away. i had no idea what they were laughing about. they carried on so much that i thought maybe my fly was down. i nervously giggled along with them for a minute. "what? what's so funny?" it didn't occur to me that anyone would find the little kid slave story humorous. but then i realized that they were indeed laughing about that, and i said "this is serious! it's not funny! what's funny about that?" no answer, just more semi-stifled giggling. "is it just the extreme nature of it, or what?" still nothing. "really, seriously, it's a HORRIBLE thing." i felt the tension mounting. i felt claustrophobic. i didn't trust my hormonal self. i felt ill... quakey... i promptly moved on.

an african american student came up after class to tell me that she was very disappointed that i was laughing about it with them. i did my best to defend myself. i was as flabbergasted about it as anyone, and even more so that she thought i thought it was funny. i finally said, with my voice giving way to tears, "i'm doing the best i can here." she made a b-line for the door at that point, (thank God) at which time i sank behind the computer station and cried for a few seconds. then i pulled myself together and called ken. (we only have one car so he has to pick me up). i was so incredibly relieved to learn that he was just outside the door. (thank God again)

i climbed in the back seat next to the shuggie and started telling the story. ken drove us home while i cried and carried on about it. shuggie held my hand and said "mommy's very sad. mommy's crying. don't cry mommy. it's ok. i'm here mommy." that was so sweet that it made me cry more. when we got home, i had a nice long cry. ken rubbed my shoulders and shug rubbed my arm. such loving support.

now i'm trying to decide what to do and say on thursday.

sempiternus amor

it's been a busy week. sometimes when i'm all worn out, i like to sit in my office and stare at pictures of the people i love. these are two of my very favorite people. i could get lost in their smiling faces forever.