the grateful dead

Mr. Sheckler, a writer in our hometown online paper www.NRVToday.com, reminds me of my granddaddy. I just loved my granddaddy so much, but he would infuriate me with his beliefs. He would insist he was right, and I, of course, knew I was right, and so I would waste hours debating issues with him. I finally gave up trying to convince him of anything, and just let him be.

Despite this peace treaty of sorts, he would occasionally lecture and/or tease me about various points of contention. He was a funny old man with a contagious giggle. It was hard to stay mad at him. I'd just shake my head and say "oh Granddaddy!" I did get him to finally stop saying the (hateful, violent) "n" word around me. Getting that old southern man to stop using that word was probably the best thing I did for him in that way. The best thing he did for me was to help me see that I can think very differently from someone and still love them with all my heart.

He's been gone awhile now, and I still miss him. He called me up in a dream once during our fourth major hurricane in Orlando. I said,"Hey Granddaddy! I wanted to ask you now that you've crossed over, what, besides the teeth thing, would you have done differently?"

He used to always tell me his only regret in life was not taking better care of his teeth. He loved to eat. As far back as I can recall he had a big fat set of fake choppers. As a kid I just thought they were his own teeth. I had no clue. I remember being quite alarmed on the rare occasion that he would show up without them. Having no teeth really profoundly changes the way people talk, you know. That can be scary for a clueless kid. Truth be told, those gums a 'flappin are pretty distracting as well.

Anyway, if he had to do it all over again, he would have taken much better care of his teeth. Every time I remember that I floss for a few days. I've flossed once already today in memory of him. I'm sure I'll do it again. (The old lady in me who just loves golden delicious apples and salty, buttery corn-on-the-cob thanks you generously, granddaddy).

So I’m on the phone with him in a dream during the hurricane and I ask him if there was anything else he would do differently, and he said as clear as day,"I would be more grateful ... for everything."

"Oh yeah?" I said, curious about the pause and emphasis. He responded,"Yes, for everything." Again, with emphasis, as if to tell me that there may be some things I'm not appreciating.

It's true that after three hurricanes and multiple power outages in the first trimester of pregnancy in florida in August (you add it up) I was really worn out. Downright ill in fact. Appreciative thoughts weren't on the top of my agenda, so this dream couldn't have come at a better moment.

When I woke up there was this nice cool breeze blowing my homemade curtain toward me and I thought oh, thank you God for that nice breeze. Thank you for fresh drinking water. Thank you for the toilet, and that soft toilet paper. Thank you for the batteries for our little radio. Thank you for our helpful neighbors. Thank you for Ken. Thank you thank you thank you for my little baby.

Thank you for everything.

Just then I realized that it was my air conditioning that was blowing the curtain. YAY! THANK YOU FOR RESTORING OUR POWER! WOO HOO! (always, always a reason to celebrate).

It's funny but I thought the very same thing today. This morning is my morning off from mommy duty. I was looking forward to some serious computer time. But when I woke up we had no power. I found it humorous that we somehow sailed though all these ginormous storms in the past couple of days without losing our power only to lose it today, while the sun shines down on pretty much my only morning off. Then I remembered my granddaddy again, calling me from the other side, offering me the cure for what ails me.

So I kept my mind full of thankful thoughts, and the power was restored in an hour or so. I greeted it's return with the usual THANK YOU LORD shuffle, and then I quickly resumed my pre-conceived notions for the day. I powered up "Eleven," (I don't just name trees, I name computers too) checked the morning headlines on NRVToday, and then saw that some anonymous person who sounded kind of reasonable to me had commented on one of Mr. Sheckler's posts. This new post gave me hope that I wasn't the only one who gets that we aren't discussing anything real on this message board. We're all just labeling and blaming and attacking each other.

I pondered what I'd say in response, and I thought, well, why not start out by asking questions? Let's not assume we already have all the answers. And then, in my minds eye, I saw Mr. Sheckler and his big ole' grin, and then I saw my granddaddy and his big ole grin, and then I smiled. As I reached for the floss I thought, thank you God for helping me learn how to love my neighbor.


















photos: "dreamcatcher" by amy; " green swirl" by ken