...i just can't fake it

there's a place we reach with one another
when things have been left to linger ...

unresolved.

it's this place
where i just can't fake it
anymore.

i would have been there with you
my heart gaping open
gushing blood
all over
your expensive shoes.

somehow before
i was able to tack it shut
tape it up
conceal it
under my baggie clothes
and i'd smile
and chat
and hope you didn't notice
those little drops of blood
soaking through.

today, i can't.
today, i can't fake it.

today i feel years of pain
and the blood flows
like a river
from the deepest part of me

and God keeps reminding me
it's ok
you are healed

i am healed.

it doesn't feel like it though.
this bloodshed
almost drowns me

almost
being
the key word.

the bus will be here soon
he whispers
and i'm back on that street
in boston
waiting
shivering
soaking wet
ready to walk back home
and give up on that bus
that God assured me
would come.

the bus will be here, baby
and you'll be warm
and safe
and dry
and whole
again

just trust me
i will never let you down
i will see you through anything
even this,
the deepest wound.

you use your will
your greatest gift
and you hand your pain to me

in me you are healed.
in me you are free.

thank you lord.

he lifts my head
and i see my girl
peek through the door
and smile.






















i love you like you love her.
don't you see?
he says to me.

yes.
now i see.
now i see.

hey, look!
the bus is here.