new year's eve

...we'll be ringing it in with a little magic milk ...

...and some words of Love from a dear soul...


"May this year
and the coming year
bring emancipation
from all sorrows,
and may thou live
in peace and happiness
forever." ~ Nath

Gulam Rue Zamin (Servant of the Earth)
"The First Rays of Dawn" December 31st, p.209
Published by Priya Nath Metha; 1973

remember you're dreaming

the video pasted in below is a note for shuggie in the future.

it's dedicated to my mom's side of the family. after years apart, we met up over the holidays. it was awesome.

we all talked about how much we miss the lake house that's featured in the video. it's where we used to spend a lot of time together. my grandaddy built it by hand, along with the stairway and the dock. when he died we scattered his ashes off that dock.

we couldn't afford to keep the house, so we sold it. we took the pictures of it when we visited recently for the first time in many years. as soon as i saw the house i burst into tears.

i want to send special thanks and love to grandaddy and grandma. we miss you guys. we'll see you in our dreams...

christmas moon

we hope everyone has a wonderful day.

a prayer for friends

Heavenly Father, thank you for helping my friends find the spiritual home you have prepared for them. thank you for helping them know which way to turn, and if, when, and where to move. thanks for reminding us that you will speak to us through our hearts, and convict us of our best course of action. thank you for guiding us one day at a time, one step at a time, and taking on all of our worries, cares, and concerns of earthly things. thank you for your great sacrifice of the Christ Jesus that we are preparing to celebrate. now that we have a child we understand how great a sacrifice it truly is. thank you for Loving us THAT MUCH. we owe you a huge debt of Love. we are grateful you've made it possible for us to give Love to one another in so many ways. thank you for helping us forgive everyone that hurt us, and for helping us forgive ourselves when we hurt other people. thank you for helping us be a beacon of your Light and Love wherever we go. thank you for the Joy of the Holy Spirit. thank you for helping us feel that Joy, regardless of our uncertainty of the future or our difficult circumstances. we trust you completely, and are so very grateful for you. WE LOVE YOU SO MUCH. thank you for working wonders and miracles in the days and weeks to come. thank you for aligning our thoughts with yours, and our vision with your vision. you wow us with your mighty power every day, and we don't have the words to express our gratitude. thank you for hearing my prayer today. may this prayer increase in strength and power each time it's read. in Jesus' precious name, Amen.

picture credit: this lovely stained glass creation was not made by me, but i am sadly unable to give proper credit as it's just a picture i ran across one day and loved. if anyone knows please leave me a comment here.

makes me smile...

come, cuddle your head on my shoulder, dear,
your head like the golden-rod,
and we will go sailing away from here
to the beautiful land of nod

~ ella wheeler wilcox (1850-1919)

a fond farewell

i learned a couple weeks ago that my contract at school would not be renewed. they're getting rid of a bunch of adjuncts, and i've been there the least amount of time, so i'm pretty much out. it's no big surprise. adjunct work is temporary by nature. and it's good in many ways. i'm ready for a change.

i wrote a farewell note to my students on a course blog i created. i wanted them to know that they have touched my heart and changed my life for the better. i also wrote a list of some things i've learned since i've been there. i thought it would be nice to post it here for posterity...


- i love making people laugh, especially groggy eyed students in the morning

-i made some good friends that i love and trust

-people sometimes get confused between studying war and studying peace

- the faculty and the administration could work together better

-the town and the university could work together better

-some of us hold back our creative energies because we're scared

-there are many challenging professors and not as many caring ones

-it is extremely stressful not to be able to find parking before having to do any kind of public speaking

-it's very challenging to be a substitute teacher for any length of time

-it's tough to teach while people in class whisper to each other, and it takes effort and strength to stop it

-this job didn't pay nearly enough

-some of us could believe in our students more than we do

-there is racial tension that could use some attention

-i find topics like prejudice and racism very hard to teach, and have come home to shed tears over it many times

-there are many students and faculty who could use some love

-when people have problems they are afraid to seek help through formal channels

-lots of people trust me with their secrets

-i've gotten pretty good at public speaking

-i'm not very good at grading people (too many A's)

-i am good at telling stories

-i truly care about my students and my colleagues, and many of them seem to notice and appreciate it

-i have truly enjoyed teaching

-i love improv comedy, like asking people to write questions and then answering them on the spot

-sometimes when i'd tell a joke i'd hear crickets, but i always kept trying

-my husband is awesome - he always helped me when i needed it

-i needed a lot of help

-we all need help sometimes

-i have a big stack of anonymous mental health questions from the beginning of this semester that i intend to answer and put on a blog for everyone to see

-most students are challenged by and worried about the same kinds of things

-there's always at least one person in class that doesn't dig me or my teaching style

- i was always early for work

- even on the days i dreaded teaching, it went ok

-even though i had a whole bunch of students, i learned many of their names

- it feels good to call people by name

-i love making videos and sharing them with people

-a bunch of people at school seemed to enjoy our videos

-i'd rather stay at home with my girl when it snows then brave the roads

-i really miss my little girl when i work a lot

-i miss my mom too

-it was surreal coming to work after the incident at tech. i was glad i did, but i'm not sure i'm completely over it. i look around and pay attention more than i used to.

- i am much less self conscious about my appearance than i used to be (which makes public speaking much easier!)

-i enjoyed the identity of "college instructor", and am not sure what to call myself now

-i said a prayer for all of my students during my last minute in the classroom

-i cried on the way home that day

-i'm getting choked up typing this

-i'm not sure what's coming around the corner

-i have faith it will be something great.

she is the dreamer

she's imagination
(she had heaven)

through the light projected

he can see himself up close

would you love me anyway?

sometimes we play the "would you love me anyway" game.... it's a silly sort of game that consists of questions like ...

if you had to carry me around in a backpack all day, would you love me anyway? if my lips got blown off in a plane crash, would you love me anyway? if i suddenly turned into a squirrel, would you love me anyway?

(that last one came from a student of mine... turns out he'd be a talking squirrel, which makes a huge difference in the "would you stay with me anyway" version of the game.)

of course, this game usually arises from silliness and a touch of insecurity, but it challenges the importance of our appearance (the look of our "meat suit," as we say). it asks about a deeper kind of love. it also asks questions about beauty: what is it? how important is it? what does it look like? what does it feel like? where does it come from?

with this in mind, and in the silliest of moods, i took a potato and drew a face on it, pretended it was me, and asked "would you love me anyway?"




(i invite anyone who writes or makes videos or whatnot to send me some of your own "would you love me anyway" stories. i'd love to see what you come up with.)

the idea of beauty always reminds me of a young woman i saw on oprah once. she was what anyone would consider physically gorgeous, until her entire body was badly burned when a drunk driver hit her car. her little face looked like it had almost melted away, like the way one of those really fancy detailed candles look after they've been used a few times. there was something permanently damaged about her eyes, though now i can't recall all the specifics. she had lots of health problems as a result of the accident, as you can imagine. honestly, she almost didn't look like a person anymore. it was so so so sad.

if i were burned from head to toe in a terrible accident, would you love me anyway?

i can't seem to locate a picture or any info from that show at the moment... (if anyone has info on this please pass it along) but i do remember that she wore a big sweet looking hat. i remember being horrified at what happened to her, naturally, and thinking, wow, she was so beautiful. that's so sad! what an awful awful thing....

then she spoke. and giggled. and giggled some more. and smiled an electric smile.

everyone in the audience that day was deeply affected by this young woman. she talked about the ups and downs. her story made us weepy. but with a joke and a chuckle, she made us laugh and feel good again. by the end of the show we all boo-hoo'd while she embraced the person that made the terrible choice to get behind the wheel that night.

that person (the "drunk driver") ... my heart goes out to them as well. it must be a tremendously hard thing to live with, much less to talk about openly. for some reason i can't even remember if that person was a he or she. there's just a blank spot in my memory there. (maybe that's a blessing.... maybe it's a good thing to let people start over again. let it be a mystery...)

even though much of the details elude me now, i will always remember the feeling i got when i saw that young woman hug the person who did this horrible thing to her. i remember thinking, now THAT is beautiful. SHE is beautiful. now i get it.

if i had a few drinks and hit your car on the way home, causing you to be burned from head to toe, would you love me anyway?

... oh my.....


picture credit: michael osborne, designer of the 2002 Love stamps
you can read more about the love stamps here:
http://www.usps.com/news/2002/philatelic/sr02_055.htm